Stripped Back

From A2591. The Nutella reworking looks like a jar of, er, shit.

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Best of the Week: Film Mash, Mairie House, Music Scene, Clegg Promises & Pimp My Pram

Filmography 2010: 270 films, one 6-minute mash-up, and a brilliant job application from Genrocks. Nice work.

Four beds & half an acre for £110k: ‘This renovated house on a ½ acre plot, used to be the Mairie. It is situated in a very pretty village, just 5 minutes’ walk to the wildlife haven of the canals of the Venise Verte. The house is in good condition and has 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, large living room, kitchen, study, wine cellar, convertible attics and garage.’ And 50 minutes to Vendee coast.

NewsOnion: ‘After a challenging year in which he has been accused of breaking every single promise that he has made, Nick Clegg has pledged that he will definitely not be making any New Year resolutions – or, if he does, he won’t tell anyone about them.’ Daily goodness.

ManchesterSceneWipe: Manchester music scene, filmed. La Blogotheque without the acutes, graves, circumflex, diaeresis and cedilla.

Wagalum: ‘Headlights for prams’. This kind of stuff is now pressing my buttons.

Tales From the Repair Man Frontline

Spent the morning waiting for the dishwasher repair man (an E3 problem on a Belling IDW604, since you ask). He turned up at 12.30, quickly established what the problem was, but said he didn’t have the right part. “We’re waiting for a new shipment. They’re on a boat.”

Deep breath. No problem.

In the 10 minutes he was at the house he did manage to tell me:

  • In last week’s icy weather, a colleague in Gainsborough got of his van, slipped, banged his head and died. Lincolnshire emergency services took him to the morgue, but forget to tell his next of kin. His wife rang the office the following morning saying she couldn’t hold of him. Work had to ring round to find out what happened. “That wouldn’t happen to me,” says DRM, “my kids ring me at 5 asking what’s for tea.”
  • DRM did get stuck in the snow in Scotland, though. It took him 10 hours to drive the 12 miles from Hamilton Services to his hotel. Kids made their own tea.
  • He missed 27 appointments, but only had two complaints. “And one of those was from a guy whose wine cooler was broken. He said it wasn’t getting to –8. I said ‘stick it outside’.”
  • Back in the North West, it took him 90 minutes to get from Bolton to Glossop, arriving at 4pm. Once there he couldn’t access the customer’s housing estate due to snow and ice. He rang the customer: “‘I could have told you that this morning’, she says to me.”  Much rolling of eyes.
  • From next Monday, company Christmas policy is cookers and washing machine repairs only – dishwashers and wine coolers will have to wait.

He’ll be round again on Jan 4 to finish the job. Santa, bring me Marigolds.

Esquire’s Best of What I’ve Learned

‘When it’s over for a woman, it’s over. You’re not getting an appeal.’ Jack Nicholson

‘The assumption that something is not for you is an assumption that can be undone in time.’ Elvis Costello

‘I can tell a young person where the mines are, but he’s probably going to have to step on them anyway.’ Burt Reynolds

And plenty more on Sex, Parenting, Power, Death, Faith, Aging and Money.

Celebrity Kings of King Street

Liam Gallagher’s Pretty Green label has opened on King Street (in the old Joseph pitch). It is opposite Jamie Oliver’s Italian (opening sometime 2011), forming a triangle with Rio Ferdinand’s Rosso.

Happy days for high-profile 30-somethings with a desire to branch out. If he ever fancies it, there will be no shortage of backers for a Gary Barlow sandwich shop. ‘One Chew…Back For Good’.